Welcome, citizens of Panem, to a spectacle unlike any you’ve witnessed before! Forget the gilded cages of the Capitol and the brutal arenas of the districts. Tonight, we unveil a new kind of contest, one where the stakes are not just survival, but the very promise of a new life!

Trump’s Department of Homeland Security has a 35 page pitch ready to go, and seeking the production from Rob Worsoff, a veteran game maker, a man who has plumbed the depths of human drama with shows like “Duck Dynasty” and “Dating Naked,” dares to bring you… The American!

Yes, you heard right. Forget your bread and circuses; this is about the ultimate prize: a golden ticket to citizenship! In a nation grappling with its borders, where hope and hardship collide, a select group of brave souls will volunteer to compete. They will face challenges steeped in the very fabric of this land, from the dusty echoes of the Gold Rush in California to the vibrant pulse of other state heritages.

Producer Rob Worsoff, a citizen of both worlds, proclaims, “Forget the shocking headlines! This isn’t some barbaric bloodsport. This is a chance for one deserving individual, chosen by you, the American people, to leapfrog the bureaucratic labyrinth and seize their dream!”

But whispers of dissent echo through the halls of power. Is this a celebration of the immigrant spirit, or a cruel exploitation of their vulnerability? Immigration attorney Eric Lee warns, “The notion that the Department of Homeland Security would sanction such a spectacle is not only ethically dubious but potentially illegal!”

The Capitol, in the guise of the Department of Homeland Security, offers only a carefully crafted statement: “Discussions are preliminary. No decisions have been made.” Assistant Secretary Tricia McLaughlin adds, “Each proposal undergoes thorough vetting. This pitch has neither been approved nor rejected.”

Yet, the gears are turning. The cameras are poised. The nation watches. Will The American become a beacon of opportunity, or a callous display of desperation?

Stay tuned, loyal citizens. Your votes will decide who earns their place in the land of the free. Let the games… begin?