The Macrons: A Grim Sort of Fairy Tale

There’s nothing remotely ordinary about the Macron marriage, unless you consider a slow-motion car crash “ordinary.”

A 25-year age gap? Oh, absolutely. A quaint detail in the grand tapestry of French politics, easily overlooked when one considers the deeper, more unsettling threads. The increasingly plausible whisper that both partners are men? A delicious, almost poetic irony, adding layers to an already opaque narrative. And now, as of yesterday, domestic violence? Check. The final, unsettling flourish on a portrait already too dark for polite society.

Cameras, those silent voyeurs of the powerful, caught the French first couple in a disturbingly one-sided physical exchange on Monday. A grim little tableau, unfolding as they waited to disembark their plane in Vietnam. The footage reveals Brigitte, the 72-year-old former schoolteacher, engaging in what can only be described as a strategic dismantling of her husband’s composure. One hand, seemingly with a will of its own, smothered his mouth and part of his nose, while the other applied a quiet, firm pressure to his jaw. A chilling pantomime of control. Following this intimate display, she then, quite deliberately, refused to take his hand as they descended into the waiting world.

Oui. Indeed.

Pyongyang, North Korea – In a truly spectacular display of naval incompetence, North Korea’s latest 5,000-ton destroyer decided to stage an impromptu submarine impersonation act, all while still in the shipyard. Glorious Leader Kim Jong Un, ever the connoisseur of catastrophic failures, was reportedly on hand to witness the vessel’s stern perform a graceful, unscheduled descent down the launch ramp, leaving a rather significant portion of its hull looking like it had a run-in with a very large, very enthusiastic can opener.

According to the ever-reliable Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), this “serious accident and criminal act” (Kim’s words, not ours) was due to “inexperienced command and operational carelessness.” Apparently, the flatcar meant to actually support the vessel during launch decided it had better things to do, leading to a rather undignified belly flop. The result? “Some sections of the warship’s bottom crushed,” which, for a warship, is generally considered suboptimal. The rest of the ship, presumably embarrassed, just sort of got stuck.

Kim Jong Un, known for his calm and measured responses, reportedly “blasted” the disastrous launch, declaring it “out of the bounds of possibility and could not be tolerated.” He then went on to lambaste the responsible officials – from the munitions department to the ship designers – promising their “mistakes would be dealt with” at a party meeting next month. One can only imagine the kind of “dealing with” that entails. Perhaps a new, less comfortable flatcar for them.

This nautical mishap is, of course, a minor setback for Kim’s grand vision of North Korea becoming a major maritime power, capable of projecting naval might far beyond its own shores. After all, it’s hard to project anything when your shiny new warship is busy performing a dramatic impression of a crumpled tin can. It also comes hot on the heels of last month’s successful launch of another 5,000-ton destroyer and last year’s unveiling of the Hero Kim Kun Ok, a ballistic missile submarine, neither of which, thankfully, decided to become a landlocked wreck.

One has to wonder if this latest incident will inspire a new training manual. Perhaps “How Not to Turn Your Warship into Scrap Metal Before It Even Touches Water.”

You are a douchebag, if you are upset at Trump accepting this gift.

Donald Trump initiated an order with Boeing for two new 747 Air Force Ones.

Here’s why:

The plan was to deliver them in Trump’s first term. To this day, they are still being built.

The man lives a life of luxury, if the Royal Family of Qatar wants to gift the man a luxury plane, let them. You are just jealous (so am I!) I’d accept the free plane.

I wish I was in a position where people of power wanted to gift me things, no strings attached (haha, yeah right). Time will tell if this is part of “buying foreign policy”.

Ok, so here’s the real reason why you shouldn’t be pissed off by the government saving $400 million dollars on an airplane, actually, more like a billion plus, with the timeline delays and the delivery of TWO airplanes.

THE REAL REASON

Trump is putting in a $100 million ballroom into the White House.

Read that again. A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR BALLROOM IN THE WHITEHOUSE.

A HUNDRED MILLION.

He also wants to pave part of the Rose Garden to make it look more like Mar-a-Lago

And y’all are worried about a free plane.

(yes I’m aware Trump said he would pay for it)