Author: PlanetDouchebag

  • Movie Review: Mountainhead – A Monumental Misstep

    Movie Review: Mountainhead – A Monumental Misstep

    Jesse Armstrong’s Mountainhead, released on May 31, 2025, attempts to skewer the tech elite, but largely misses the mark, delivering a tedious and largely humorless experience. While advertised as a “darkly comedic satire,” the film struggles to find its comedic footing, leaving viewers with a sense of boredom and frustration rather than insightful commentary or genuine laughs.

    The film brings together four tech billionaires—Venis Parish (Cory Michael Smith), Jeff Abredazi (Ramy Youssef), Randall Garrett (Steve Carell), and Hugo “Souper” Van Yalk (Jason Schwartzman)—at a secluded Utah lodge amidst a global crisis fueled by AI-driven disinformation. The premise has potential, but the execution falls flat. The primary issue lies in the characters themselves, particularly Steve Carell’s Randall Garrett.

    Carell, usually a master of comedic timing and nuanced performances, is saddled with a character who is, quite frankly, an insufferable douchebag. Randall, a bloviating venture capitalist, constantly spouts philosophical jargon and self-important pronouncements, convinced of his own intellectual superiority despite clearly being out of touch. His belief in imminent transhumanist solutions while unable to perform basic tasks like boiling an egg is meant to be funny, but it mostly serves to highlight his utter lack of redeeming qualities. He’s not charmingly arrogant; he’s just plain annoying. The film attempts to derive humor from his cluelessness and the petty one-upmanship among the billionaires, but the jokes rarely land. It often feels like watching a group of truly awful people bicker, and without a compelling plot or engaging situations, it becomes tiresome very quickly.

    Indeed, “nothing ever happens” is a recurring thought throughout Mountainhead. Despite the backdrop of a rolling international crisis and global chaos caused by AI, the film mostly confines its action to the conversations between these four men. It’s essentially a play, heavy on dialogue and short on actual events. The dramatic tension is supposed to come from their clashing agendas and their detached reactions to the world crumbling around them, but this often translates to them merely staying glued to their phones, debating the crisis as if it were a game. The film’s pacing is slow, and the dialogue, while attempting to be clever and filled with tech-bro jargon, frequently becomes “tiresome” and “confusing.” There are no explosions, no car chases, and very little in the way of traditional plot development. This approach might appeal to some who enjoy character-driven, dialogue-heavy pieces, but for many, it results in a “boring” experience.

    The comedic value of Mountainhead is remarkably low. While Jesse Armstrong’s previous work on Succession was lauded for its sharp wit and dark humor, Mountainhead struggles to replicate that success. The characters’ weak jokes, even when delivered by talented comedic actors like Carell and Schwartzman, fall flat. The humor is often “bleak” and “brutal,” but lacks the insightful sting or genuine laugh-out-loud moments that make satire effective. Instead of a “dark comedy,” it often feels like a “morality play whose subtext has the subtlety of a teenage poem.” Some viewers have even stated they “didn’t laugh a single time.” The film aims to ridicule the “carelessness of certain well-known tech billionaires,” but the portrayal of these characters is so consistently unlikable and the situations so stagnant that the satire loses its bite. It’s difficult to find amusement in the antics of characters who are merely “contemptable” rather than comically absurd.

    In conclusion, Mountainhead, despite its timely premise and a cast of talented actors, ultimately fails to deliver as a compelling or comedic film. Steve Carell’s portrayal of Randall Garrett, while perhaps intentionally obnoxious, contributes to the overall unpleasant viewing experience. The lack of a clear plot progression and the low comedic return make Mountainhead a difficult watch, leaving one to wonder what the “point” truly was.

  • Emmanuel Macron, French President: Une gifle humiliante

    Emmanuel Macron, French President: Une gifle humiliante

    The Macrons: A Grim Sort of Fairy Tale

    There’s nothing remotely ordinary about the Macron marriage, unless you consider a slow-motion car crash “ordinary.”

    A 25-year age gap? Oh, absolutely. A quaint detail in the grand tapestry of French politics, easily overlooked when one considers the deeper, more unsettling threads. The increasingly plausible whisper that both partners are men? A delicious, almost poetic irony, adding layers to an already opaque narrative. And now, as of yesterday, domestic violence? Check. The final, unsettling flourish on a portrait already too dark for polite society.

    Cameras, those silent voyeurs of the powerful, caught the French first couple in a disturbingly one-sided physical exchange on Monday. A grim little tableau, unfolding as they waited to disembark their plane in Vietnam. The footage reveals Brigitte, the 72-year-old former schoolteacher, engaging in what can only be described as a strategic dismantling of her husband’s composure. One hand, seemingly with a will of its own, smothered his mouth and part of his nose, while the other applied a quiet, firm pressure to his jaw. A chilling pantomime of control. Following this intimate display, she then, quite deliberately, refused to take his hand as they descended into the waiting world.

    Oui. Indeed.

  • Joseph Neumeyer, Colorado man tried to firebomb US embassy office in Israel

    Joseph Neumeyer, Colorado man tried to firebomb US embassy office in Israel

    This retard tried to Molotov Cocktail the US Embassy to death.. well, I wouldn’t say tried. Ne got nervous around a guard, fled, and was detained. Douchey Joe posted “Death to America” and then made this weak ass attempt to set the Embassy aflame.

    Oh, so this is the level of incompetence we’re dealing with now? Apparently, some dimwit named Neumeyer thought he could waltz up to an embassy on May 19th, Molotov cocktails in tow, like some kind of bad action movie villain. Naturally, he immediately botched it, getting into a pathetic little dust-up with a guard and then, predictably, bolting like a coward, leaving his little bag of tricks behind. Honestly, it’s almost too easy.

    Of course, it wasn’t long before law enforcement, presumably with minimal effort, *trac**ked this absolute amateur down to some shoddy hotel just a few blocks away. Arrested, naturally. As if there was any other outcome.

    And then we have Attorney General Pam Bondi, bless her heart, spewing the usual platitudes about “devastating attacks” and “threatening death.” Look, the guy was a walking punchline. The only thing “devastating” here is his utter lack of planning. But sure, “we won’t tolerate such violence,” yadda yadda. We’ll prosecute him “to the fullest extent of the law” – which, in this case, probably means he’ll get a stern talking-to for being so incredibly inept.

  • Little Rocket Man’s brand new warship ship sinks at debut

    Little Rocket Man’s brand new warship ship sinks at debut

    Pyongyang, North Korea – In a truly spectacular display of naval incompetence, North Korea’s latest 5,000-ton destroyer decided to stage an impromptu submarine impersonation act, all while still in the shipyard. Glorious Leader Kim Jong Un, ever the connoisseur of catastrophic failures, was reportedly on hand to witness the vessel’s stern perform a graceful, unscheduled descent down the launch ramp, leaving a rather significant portion of its hull looking like it had a run-in with a very large, very enthusiastic can opener.

    According to the ever-reliable Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), this “serious accident and criminal act” (Kim’s words, not ours) was due to “inexperienced command and operational carelessness.” Apparently, the flatcar meant to actually support the vessel during launch decided it had better things to do, leading to a rather undignified belly flop. The result? “Some sections of the warship’s bottom crushed,” which, for a warship, is generally considered suboptimal. The rest of the ship, presumably embarrassed, just sort of got stuck.

    Kim Jong Un, known for his calm and measured responses, reportedly “blasted” the disastrous launch, declaring it “out of the bounds of possibility and could not be tolerated.” He then went on to lambaste the responsible officials – from the munitions department to the ship designers – promising their “mistakes would be dealt with” at a party meeting next month. One can only imagine the kind of “dealing with” that entails. Perhaps a new, less comfortable flatcar for them.

    This nautical mishap is, of course, a minor setback for Kim’s grand vision of North Korea becoming a major maritime power, capable of projecting naval might far beyond its own shores. After all, it’s hard to project anything when your shiny new warship is busy performing a dramatic impression of a crumpled tin can. It also comes hot on the heels of last month’s successful launch of another 5,000-ton destroyer and last year’s unveiling of the Hero Kim Kun Ok, a ballistic missile submarine, neither of which, thankfully, decided to become a landlocked wreck.

    One has to wonder if this latest incident will inspire a new training manual. Perhaps “How Not to Turn Your Warship into Scrap Metal Before It Even Touches Water.”

  • Douchebag, or Genius? You could be the next contestant on The American!

    Douchebag, or Genius? You could be the next contestant on The American!

    Welcome, citizens of Panem, to a spectacle unlike any you’ve witnessed before! Forget the gilded cages of the Capitol and the brutal arenas of the districts. Tonight, we unveil a new kind of contest, one where the stakes are not just survival, but the very promise of a new life!

    Trump’s Department of Homeland Security has a 35 page pitch ready to go, and seeking the production from Rob Worsoff, a veteran game maker, a man who has plumbed the depths of human drama with shows like “Duck Dynasty” and “Dating Naked,” dares to bring you… The American!

    Yes, you heard right. Forget your bread and circuses; this is about the ultimate prize: a golden ticket to citizenship! In a nation grappling with its borders, where hope and hardship collide, a select group of brave souls will volunteer to compete. They will face challenges steeped in the very fabric of this land, from the dusty echoes of the Gold Rush in California to the vibrant pulse of other state heritages.

    Producer Rob Worsoff, a citizen of both worlds, proclaims, “Forget the shocking headlines! This isn’t some barbaric bloodsport. This is a chance for one deserving individual, chosen by you, the American people, to leapfrog the bureaucratic labyrinth and seize their dream!”

    But whispers of dissent echo through the halls of power. Is this a celebration of the immigrant spirit, or a cruel exploitation of their vulnerability? Immigration attorney Eric Lee warns, “The notion that the Department of Homeland Security would sanction such a spectacle is not only ethically dubious but potentially illegal!”

    The Capitol, in the guise of the Department of Homeland Security, offers only a carefully crafted statement: “Discussions are preliminary. No decisions have been made.” Assistant Secretary Tricia McLaughlin adds, “Each proposal undergoes thorough vetting. This pitch has neither been approved nor rejected.”

    Yet, the gears are turning. The cameras are poised. The nation watches. Will The American become a beacon of opportunity, or a callous display of desperation?

    Stay tuned, loyal citizens. Your votes will decide who earns their place in the land of the free. Let the games… begin?

  • Mexican Navy sailing the Mayflower into the Brooklyn Bridge

    Mexican Navy sailing the Mayflower into the Brooklyn Bridge

    Ok.. what in the flying, or sailing, fuck is going on here. I’m not even sure I believe this is real. Did you see the catastrophic sailing accident this past Saturday?

    The Mexican Navy embarked on a sailing journey from Acapulco on April 4th, and just made it to New York this past weekend, docking in Manhattan. So 45-ish days of sailing in this modern day on the Mayflower, to “exalt the seafaring spirit, strengthen naval education, and deliver a message of peace and goodwill from the Mexican people to the seas and ports of the world”.

    The seemingly centuries old ship full of pirates was due to sail to Iceland, but one of the giant masts ended up whopping the Brooklyn Bridge on it’s departure resulting in two deaths and several injuries. The boat had some malfunctions in it’s equipment and could no longer control it’s rudder.

    Is this straight out of a Movie? Look at this damn boat. Does it sling cannonballs? What kind of Navy is this. I don’t even know what else to say.

  • Taylor Swift is no longer hot, on a break from Blake Lively and has dead people washing up at her house

    Taylor Swift is no longer hot, on a break from Blake Lively and has dead people washing up at her house

    Taylor Swift is no longer HOT as President Donald Trump declares on Truth Social.

    There is an ongoing blackmail scandal and Tay Tay and Blake Lively are no longer friends.

    • Blake Lively and Taylor Swift’s longtime friendship “has halted,” a source tells PEOPLE
    • Another insider says the two stars are “taking some space” but their friendship isn’t completely over
    • Swift was issued a subpoena in Lively’s ongoing legal battle with It Ends With Us costar Justin Baldoni

    And to top it all off, dead people are washing up at Taylor’s Rhode Island Home. There is a serial killer on the loose in New England.

    Human remains were found Wednesday in an upscale Rhode Island beach neighborhood as concerns about a potential serial killer in New England continue to plague the region.

    A human leg bone was reportedly found on a beach path off Everett Avenue in Watch Hill, a wealthy coastal enclave in the town of Westerly, according to WJAR. The remains were found just a stone’s throw from pop megastar Taylor Swift’s beachside mansion in the town. 

    The discovery marks the 13th body or set of remains that have been discovered in Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts since the beginning of March, sparking online chatter about a potential serial killer. 

    Five bodies have been found in Massachusetts, five in Connecticut and now three in Rhode Island. 

    Two of the bodies were found in the small town of Taunton, Massachusetts. 

    So far, 10 females and three males have been found dead, and the age ranges of the deceased vary. Seven of the victims were older than 45, while two were between the ages of 25 and 44. Four bodies remain unidentified. 

    Welcome to the Hall of Douchebags Taylor!

  • Everyone who is upset about President Donald Trump’s new airplane

    Everyone who is upset about President Donald Trump’s new airplane

    You are a douchebag, if you are upset at Trump accepting this gift.

    Donald Trump initiated an order with Boeing for two new 747 Air Force Ones.

    Here’s why:

    The plan was to deliver them in Trump’s first term. To this day, they are still being built.

    The man lives a life of luxury, if the Royal Family of Qatar wants to gift the man a luxury plane, let them. You are just jealous (so am I!) I’d accept the free plane.

    I wish I was in a position where people of power wanted to gift me things, no strings attached (haha, yeah right). Time will tell if this is part of “buying foreign policy”.

    Ok, so here’s the real reason why you shouldn’t be pissed off by the government saving $400 million dollars on an airplane, actually, more like a billion plus, with the timeline delays and the delivery of TWO airplanes.

    THE REAL REASON

    Trump is putting in a $100 million ballroom into the White House.

    Read that again. A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR BALLROOM IN THE WHITEHOUSE.

    A HUNDRED MILLION.

    He also wants to pave part of the Rose Garden to make it look more like Mar-a-Lago

    And y’all are worried about a free plane.

    (yes I’m aware Trump said he would pay for it)

  • May 6th, 1888 – Russell Stover is born

    May 6th, 1888 – Russell Stover is born

    On this day, in 1888 the infamous douchebag Russell Stover is born. You may be wondering why Russell Stover, the candy maker, is a douchebag. Well that’s just it. Candy. The decadent delicious morsels this asshole concocted has contributed to diabetes and obesity to this day.

    Here’s a brief history of this sucrose chemist douchebag:

    Ah, the genesis of a sticky situation. Back in the summer of ’21, a visionary named Christian Nelson from the sleepy hollow of Onawa, Iowa, had a brilliant idea: a chocolate-covered ice cream treat he morbidly dubbed the “I-Scream Bar.” Naturally, the first seven victims… I mean, companies… he pitched this to wisely declined, likely envisioning the sticky, melty apocalypse that would ensue.

    But then, our intrepid protagonist, Russell Stover, waltzed onto the scene. Perhaps he had a secret penchant for culinary disasters. Whatever the reason, he partnered with Nelson, their fateful agreement scribbled on the somewhat less-than-ominous letterhead of the Graham Ice Cream Company of Omaha. Stover, in a stroke of marketing genius (or perhaps just a desire to avoid screaming customers), rechristened the doomed delight the “Eskimo Pie” and, in a move of pure laziness or foresight, removed the stick, transforming it into a handheld melting hazard. Legend has it that Stover, armed with his arcane knowledge of chemistry, even concocted a chocolate shell designed to momentarily contain the icy chaos within. Nelson, bless his optimistic heart, even managed to patent this frozen folly in January of ’22.

    Fast forward to ’23, and Stover, perhaps realizing the error of his ways or simply smelling a different kind of sugary opportunity, wisely bailed on the Eskimo Pie venture for a measly $25,000. He then dragged his poor wife, Clara, to Denver, Colorado, where they birthed “Mrs. Stover’s Bungalow Candies” from the cozy confines of their kitchen. One can only imagine the passive-aggressive notes left amidst the chocolate smears. By ’25, ambition (or maybe just a serious sugar addiction) led to candy factories in Denver and Kansas City, Missouri. By ’31, they officially set up shop in Kansas City, probably to be closer to the heartland’s insatiable sweet tooth.

    The ’40s rolled around, and in a move of ultimate branding commitment, they officially declared themselves Russell Stover Candies. Because why beat around the bush when your name is already synonymous with potential dental decay?

    Then, in ’54, the Grim Reaper finally caught up with Russell, just five days after his 66th birthday. A bittersweet ending, one might say, considering his namesake company was churning out 11 million pounds of candy annually, distributed through 40 of their own sugary outposts and infiltrating a staggering 2,000 department stores. Clara, bless her enduring soul, steered the sticky ship until ’60, when a box magnate named Louis Ward, a man clearly in need of reliable cardboard for all that candy, bought the whole operation for $7.5 million. One wonders if the negotiations involved more talk of structural integrity or sugar content.

    The Ward dynasty clung to this sugary empire until 2014, when the notoriously refined Swiss chocolate overlords at Lindt decided to add a touch of American excess to their portfolio, snapping up Russell Stover Candies for a cool $500 million. A fitting end, perhaps, to a tale that began with a melting ice cream bar and ended with a global confectionery conglomerate. The circle of sweet, slightly terrifying life.

  • John Elway is a douchebag for killing his business partner

    John Elway is a douchebag for killing his business partner

    It’s absolutely shocking to hear that former NFL quarterback John Elway was reportedly involved in a golf cart accident that left his business partner, Jeff Sperbeck, with life-threatening injuries! The idea that anyone, let alone a professional of Elway’s stature, would even have someone riding on the back of a golf cart is frankly outrageous. These vehicles are designed for seated passengers, and the consequences of falling off, as tragically illustrated here, can be devastating.

    According to TMZ, the incident occurred at the Madison Club in La Quinta, California, on Saturday, April 26th. Sperbeck, Douchebag Elway’s former manager and longtime friend, reportedly fell off the back of the golf cart Elway was driving and hit his head on the asphalt. While TMZ notes there’s no indication of negligent driving, the fact remains that someone was in an incredibly precarious and unsafe position on the vehicle.

    Adding to the gravity of the situation, local news outlet KESQ reports that Mr. Sperbeck is now on life support after being rushed to a hospital. A Cal Fire spokesperson confirmed the incident to KESQ on Tuesday, April 29th, stating it was “a reported fall from a golf cart and the patient was transported to a local area trauma center in unknown condition.”

    This entire situation underscores the extreme danger of treating a golf cart like anything other than a vehicle for seated passengers. It’s simply unbelievable that someone would be riding on the back, and the resulting life-threatening injuries are a stark reminder of the potential for serious harm when basic safety is disregarded.

    Sperbeck later died at the hospital.

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